ontheblog&beyond

a memoir to after laughter my favourite album by some of my favourite people, released during a time i needed it the most, and now in my revisit remembering how once i was burnt and those turned to glittered ashes, who's to say a scorned woman evolved only happens once? a love letter to the pastel trio that reinvent reinventing i will scream lyrics tattooed in my ears from stomping on repeat dripping like gold from my finger tips like i wrote them myself until i am embodying each note with every inch of exterior threatening to expose my secrets neatly versed in the hands of a stranger that found me firstly on the bathroom floor to the bays waters and the shitbox that carries my broken pieces from point a to b chanting a rebellion of glittered tears and liquored love and the absence of both  in daylight and spinning onto roundabouts a fake happy plastered to your face an unfinished now unsent letter or two attached to the heels of your boots one titled 'help' the other for  ...

another valentines day done and dusted, this one filled with unspoken conversation that must be had, please i must let you know, but for now a stranger can read this and i will wait another day to tell you this in person.  Mister, I don’t know if you’ll read this or if it's even a good idea to write this down but I can’t get rid of this feeling that we or this isn’t meant to just stop. I’ve gone over every moment from the last three years, our conversations, interactions, bad times, very bad even and all the beautiful experiences over and over again trying to find some kind of non-existent answer as to why we’re here. Everyone has made a point to remind me that it’s normal to fall out of love and its different for everyone, but it does come back and that’s just how you grow in a relationship. We were in some kind of blissful honeymoon period for so long and as soon as that went away maybe you felt that it was a sign that it wasn’t meant to be but who the hell stays in this honeymoo...

My psychic and psychiatrist both agreed that 2021 was going to be the year I got my adult shit together (and since they've never met each other and each encounter was a unique exploration into my life, the uniformity in their delivery led me to the conclusion that a higher power is getting annoyed at the overthinking stage of each battle and to start sorting it out). Any next step in this endeavour would be to write down a list of things that needed sorting in priority order, maybe colour coding each priority with etsy labels to keep the desk organised, even adding a pretty water bottle to the shopping cart that'll make me want to drink those recommended 8 cups a day, we are setting the bar very low here. Instead, we take the road most travelled and seek the answers from someone else who has succinctly put their embarrassing and unorthodox life experiences into an easy to transport paperback. Behold the land of guides and self-helps - except one that may actually work??? The Sp...

if i had to pick a favourite day, this one would be it -  it's october 2018, and you sat down one day and really wanted to describe this one magical 24 hour period that couldn't be replicated. here it is to remind you what was once happening and what could still happen again, only time will tell... "[to future you]" last night was your bands ep launch and you know what all the important people came and that made you so damn happy like how much fun was that you got a new t-shirt out of it and you’re matching with your girls! there was more jumping then ever and you got so carried away you were about to introduce someone to your friends as your boyfriend because you couldn't get him off your mind your hype woman is such a lil angel and she spilled the 'no making moves on the girl' rule that came to be after my performing debut which now makes more sense I couldn’t help but laugh (what are the odds) but she made it feel real and she was rooting for it which m...

The king of cliché "coming of age" moments that I’ve been brainwashed into following in the footsteps of has got to be one of the most expensive decision making moves you can make in your "i'm a teen adult" phase. Tattoos. Just before I joined the twenty club, there was one irreplaceable night of entertainment that involved bus stop benches, the search for sangria, a weirdly fascinating wall, and a challenge from a bartender. Picture a 'little too green' working girl, lanyard around her neck, walking aimlessly around the city because you can't actually arrive to dinner with your friends on time or it'll make you look like you were anxiously waiting for them to not show up. It's the middle of winter so by the time I'm done with work the sky is almost charcoal and the jacket I wore was for aesthetic purposes only so walking up and down the train station tunnel was the only way to both calm my nerves and remain warm.  Calming nerves was a re...