a valentine letter to the ex i'm still in love with

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another valentines day done and dusted, this one filled with unspoken conversation that must be had, please i must let you know, but for now a stranger can read this and i will wait another day to tell you this in person. 



Mister,

I don’t know if you’ll read this or if it's even a good idea to write this down but I can’t get rid of this feeling that we or this isn’t meant to just stop.

I’ve gone over every moment from the last three years, our conversations, interactions, bad times, very bad even and all the beautiful experiences over and over again trying to find some kind of non-existent answer as to why we’re here.

Everyone has made a point to remind me that it’s normal to fall out of love and its different for everyone, but it does come back and that’s just how you grow in a relationship. We were in some kind of blissful honeymoon period for so long and as soon as that went away maybe you felt that it was a sign that it wasn’t meant to be but who the hell stays in this honeymoon forever we’re beyond that.

It never mattered that you wanted or needed or simply ended up changing for or because of this operation, I don’t want to change you or fix you there’s nothing to fix I can wish and hope that you were just as open with me as you were before, all I want from you is for you to give me a chance to meet you in the middle nothing more nothing less, I knew what I was getting myself into this isn’t something I was shocked at the thought of it’s only a shock to go through it the first time I had no idea what to expect but I have accepted that this is the way these operations run and all that was left was honesty and openness, we had it going and then you just stopped that was neither good for me or you however you want to justify it to yourself, this is self-sabotage and I can see it because I did the exact same thing and I need you to know that this isn’t all there is. You said you didn’t want to spend time with me like you did before and it sounds like it brought you to some kind of grey area inside, but you didn’t explore it, you saw grey and didn’t look back.

I got nothing left to lose so I’m gonna fight, so fight with me. Put yourself in my shoes for five seconds. I am not asking you to look so far in the future that it scares you all I am asking is that you look past this small piece of grey area thinking time you’re in. You once told me you don’t have a bucket list because you just take life as it comes, I want nothing more than for us to take this one day at a time if the future is scary for you or You think I’m asking for this lifelong commitment or you just simply don’t know what you want. This is literally the worst kind of situation to go through and we’re going through this so early and so young but this is something that you work through, and not just with me with everyone and anyone in your life and if you can see past this then this is worth it I am worth fighting for even if it’s one day at a time. 

Please don’t just throw me out of your life, not because its easier or best for me. I don’t want to know life without you and maybe that makes me selfish or immature but I don’t care. Yea I like lists and knowing a bit more than usual about what is to come but that was a thought I wanted to have because I had someone to share it with. Give me a day just to remind you, not as some guilt trip but a chance. I know you told me not to wait around but I cant get you out of my system and I don’t want to, not because I don’t have a life without you but cause I want you and your un-perfect self that’s perfect for me. You and me happened for a reason, just let me show you and maybe you don’t want to see it now but one day.

I miss you. 

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