shamelessly in love with the space between

My psychic and psychiatrist both agreed that 2021 was going to be the year I got my adult shit together (and since they've never met each other and each encounter was a unique exploration into my life, the uniformity in their delivery led me to the conclusion that a higher power is getting annoyed at the overthinking stage of each battle and to start sorting it out). Any next step in this endeavour would be to write down a list of things that needed sorting in priority order, maybe colour coding each priority with etsy labels to keep the desk organised, even adding a pretty water bottle to the shopping cart that'll make me want to drink those recommended 8 cups a day, we are setting the bar very low here. Instead, we take the road most travelled and seek the answers from someone else who has succinctly put their embarrassing and unorthodox life experiences into an easy to transport paperback. Behold the land of guides and self-helps - except one that may actually work???

The Space Between by Zara McDonald and Michelle Andrews

When I first picked up this appropriately bright coloured book, it was the infamous space in the title that caught my attention whilst on the hunt for My Favourite Murder Co-Hosts Memoir in the city Dymocks. As a podcast fan who had recently spent much of quarantine searching for light hearted ladies chatting to balance all the gruesome murder and death talk, I was mad I hadn't gotten on the Shameless Podcast bandwagon earlier (#supporttheaussies) so picking up the book was a lovely introduction into the Shameless world. 

Reader, as someone who had recently gone through their first break up with the literal love of my life, opening the first page was a real slap in the face (and for anyone who hasn't picked the book up, one of the first essay's is Zara walking us through her breakups in "the space between heartbreak and healing" and it's a tear jerker). With the rest of 2020's shenanigans of broken hearts, broken friendships and a missing sense of direction, needless to say, I was the perfect chaotic candidate who needed someone like Zara and Mich to say "HEY, we've been there, we made it, you will too".

Pro-tip to any 'self-help', 'guide' or 'general uplifting lifestyle' writer umming and ahhhing about what piece of content should come first in their debut, the answer is always a bullet point list! Why this sparked so much joy during my first taste of reading the evaluation of my 20's? I can't exactly tell you, but I figured there's no way to better understand how a piece of work has grabbed an audience than watching your friend (who hasn't picked up a book in over 4 years) plow through those pages like her life depended on it. It seems too flamboyant a phrase to help you understand how important this reaction was, because her life really did depend on those first few pages. Not because they were the answers she was looking for, or a step by step recipe for a quick fix, but because it read like a real person was talking to you - not some rom-com manic pixie dream girl protagonist who goes through a 20 minute development arc in a movie just for it her problems to resolve as she spontaneously thinks happy thoughts - it's a voice of someone who genuinely gets that when the movie ends, there's more conflict storylines to tell and some of them don't get the resolute happy ending.  

The beauty of these personal essay pieces is the voice that exudes from each author, one that's authentic and reputable as the content they share. Having a platform that speaks to the emotional and logistical aspects of content like celebrity gossip to commenting on social issues, their practice live on air has translated so seamlessly onto paper, it feels like the continuation of a conversation that someone is always needing to have or having to hear - and I appreciate that greatly as a reader. 

It was a hard pick to commit to one favourite essay during my time reading, until we were left saying goodbye for now with "The space between what I thought I'd do and what I did" (last essay). Mich shares a personal story of abuse and the journey she took reconciling with herself about the decision to not report her attacker, a series of events that too many women now have to face. No one who experiences such trauma should have to feel invalidated by their decision to share their story, whether that is with someone they trust - friend - foe - or po-po. When we take the time tell a close confident, we are brave, when we do the same with someone with authority, the sentiment is not the same. The feelings of uncertainty in what to label a sexual experience is one of the most important sentiments behind the essay which rang so true to my own experience and validated every edited version of my story that was told as I grew up and realized what truly did happen (rid of layers of shame, guilt, confusion, trust and immaturity). For that, I say thank you. 

What this book did for my commitment to staying true to myself is incomparable. From reminding me that I really don't want to join the F45 cult culture to stay fit to what I really do want to pursue in my personal life and career, we have reached this blog. Inspired to do exactly what I set out to do through my study and ambition, this blog was born as the place of practice and hopefully a place to engage with others to do the same. We all need love, we all have ambition, we must all treat our mind and body as a sanctuary, and our voice deserves to be heard, now go hear it from someone who got a book deal. 

Final Thoughts

This book does not read as a Q+A on the do's and don't of growing up like you are led to believe these marketed "life guides" aim for, but it does so much more than any song or rom com can in letting yourself start asking the questions - right or wrong, answer or no answer, ready for flight or a fight. If you're picking this book up, you've got the starter kit for your pre dirty thirties, the rest is up to you.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐